Isn’t it Funny!?

Isn’t it funny
To think that your Daddy
Was once a little babby
Who cried, burped and dribbled
And couldn’t even crawl!

Isn’t it a tickle
To think your Mammy was so little
That her fingers were the size
Of your baby toes,
That she couldn’t even sit up
And had to wear a nappy!

Maybe you have two Mammies,
Maybe you have two Daddies,
Or one of them or three of them or neither,
Or a Granny or a Grandad,
Or an Auntie or an Uncle,
Or a Cousin or a Nanny or a Minder.

No matter who you have,
Isn’t it absurd
To imagine all the grown-ups
Being little boys and girls!

Isn’t it wild
To think your teacher was once a child
Who sat listening to their teacher
Who was also once a child
Who also had a teacher
Who was once a child
Who had a teacher
Etcetera.

Isn’t it a cackle
To think you were an apple
Squished inside the twinkle of an eye!
This was before you were born of course,
Before you knew what it means to be an apple,
Or a horse.

Maybe you really were an apple.
Maybe you were a fish!

Maybe you were Brussels sprouts,
Half a carrot, or an onion.
Maybe you were a mouldy crust
Or a bin to put the rubbish in.
Maybe you were mud
Stuck to the sole of a shoe.
Maybe you were a puddle
To run and jump and splash through!
Maybe you were snot
Slipping free of someone’s nose,
A someone who’s been dead
Since before you had a nose
And who could now be anything.
Be anything! Anything goes!

You are earth! You are clouds!
You are grass! You are stars!
You are definitely an alien from Mars.

You’re a heron, a duck, a pig, a curtain.
You’re definitely a curtain,
Of that much I’m certain.

You probably used to be wee and poo,
Or was it that wee and poo used to be you?
Both of them can make children very very sick
If they don’t wash their hands after going to the toilet.

What are you really?
A child
Or a goose?

Are you one, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
Eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve?
Or are you a number even higher than twelve?

Are you seven billion, four million, six hundred and twenty one and a half?
Or are you the water you swallowed by accident in the bath?

Did you know that your body’s over 60% water?
What a laugh!

Can you remember exactly what happened
This time last year?
Last month?
Last week?

What did you think
Before you could speak?

Be anything you like!
There’s nothing else to be.
Be the top of a mountain!
Be the roots of a tree.
If you accidentally grow up
Don’t forget to be free.